Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Too funny...KSL ad

OK, let me start off by saying this blue camaro z28 is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it were possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this chevy would look like Vin Diesel. It is just that manly.

This fourth generation camaro Z28 was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you have your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that is what your Prius is for. If that is the kind of car you are looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of michigan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy-boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt). Your amenities are POWER. Power windows, power steering, power locks,power under the hood. The T-Tops, Borla cat-back exauhst, magnaflow high flow cat, moroso cold air intake, trick flow ceramic coated elbow, mtx thunderform hidden 10" 250 watt subwoofer and box, mtx 250 watt amp, 4 polk component speakers, 4 polk tweeters, 4 crossovers, pioneer head unit w/ipod control are just icing on a delicious cake.

No, this sexy brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 300(approx.) Hp v8 engine to outrun the cops. It has special blood / gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite when you are operating on yourself.(not included)

With minor modifications this beauty can easily pump up HP to 350-400 and with less than 3400# weight it is blazing fast. Scary fast if not for the crisp handling and suspension. This camaro has an automatic transmission so you can shift into a lower gear, slam on the 4-wheel disc brakes and spin around the corner while the terrorists fall off the cliff. The brand new Potenza tires will keep you on the road. It has saved my bacon more than once.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $5,000, but I will entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $1,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There are less than 120,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo. It has been meticulously maintained by the men in lab coats, garaged deep underground in a secret cave. It has never been wrecked because I'm a better driver than the bad guys.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it is a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho James Bond stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I will get back to you. The car is waiting for your admiration.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Carpel Tunnel Syndrome

My wrists and hands have been hurting so bad lately. Even when I wear wrist guards at night, the pain keeps me up and in the morning they hurt so bad and my fingers tingle and go numb. It sucks and I'm getting SICK of it! I went to a specialist and will be having surgery on January 14...YAY! I just want it to stop hurting.

September 2009

September SUCKED this year!!!!

Sucky anniversary, sucky birthday (my sweet kids did get me a massage though), SUCKY MONTH. So, so glad when it was over.